That Feeling Of Being Lost

You know that feeling when you can just tell something isn’t quite right in your life? A feeling that no matter how hard you try, just won’t go away? It’s like a voice in the back of your mind, talking and talking, but you can’t quite figure out what it’s saying or what you should do about it. I know that feeling. I HAVE that feeling.

I would be lying if I said everything is okay at the moment. It’s not. For quite some time I’ve known something isn’t right and something has to change. I am not happy. To be frank I can’t remember the last time I was truly happy without a care in the world. Being only 21 year old and saying exactly that is utterly disturbing and so so wrong.

I have been thinking, searching and just picking my brain to figure out why I feel this way. Not long ago I think I discovered why. I don’t think university is the place for me… I would love to say that it is, I mean, it’s kinda cool and I do feel a sense of pride when I tell people I go to university. But it doesn’t bring me the happiness and joy I thought it would. Maybe it’s because of everything else that has happened these past six months? I don’t know..

It’s not that different from high school to be honest with you. Only now I only have two classes a week and the only person I talk to on a regular basis is Cecilie. If she wasn’t there it would be such a lonely place. I know that for a fact cause there has been several times this semester where I’ve been on my own as she understandably had to be with her family due to certain circumstances.

I’m not excited about doing my coursework or going to any of my classes. It’s not like I hate it or anything but it just doesn’t excite me as much as I thought or hoped for. Maybe it will change when I begin my own courses I don’t know, but right now just the thought of having to write another project like the one I just handed in makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry. Keep in mind I have to write 100 pages every. single. semester. If I hate just the thought about it, is it the right place for me to be? Should I be trying to get a job or internship instead? It’s a much more unsure way of life but what if it’s the right thing for me to do? I just can’t stand the idea of having to wait five whole years to finally begin my career – I want to start NOW; the sooner the better. I want to work, to gain experiences and learn hands on every single day. How can university give me that?

I am so scared of being a failure it hurts. But if there is one thing that scares me even more is being instead of living. I don’t want to just be. I want to live… I want to be happy.

Can someone please tell me I’m not the only one having this feeling of being a little lost? Not necessarily in terms of school but just in general? Do let me know x

tess signature handwritten

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17 thoughts on “That Feeling Of Being Lost

  1. I’m having this problem in sixth form as well, I know its different but I sort of know what you are going through, I hope that whatever choice you decide to make makes you happy! Remember everything happens for a reason:) x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Such an honest post, and believe me you’re not the first or the last person to go through something like this. It can be tough dealing with these kind of situations alone though, your brain tends to run away with you a little! Is there anyone at uni you can speak to about it? Just to have someone help you think a little more logically about the options for making things easier or better for you. I’ve seen plenty of people go through these kind of feelings – some pushed through and found the motivation to carry on, others took a bit of time out before returning to studies. Sometimes it also helps to try and think about it all with a clear head. Give yourself an afternoon to sit down and really think about what needs to change to make things better and some rational ideas for how to make these changes. I hope you start to feel a little less lost soon xx
    Jennifer
    Ginevrella | Lifestyle Blog

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think I’m gonna book an appointment with a guidance councilor, maybe he/she will give me some clarity on the whole practical side of it. That’s a good idea, thank you!

      Thank for such a lovely and helpful comment. Made me smile and to be honest feel a little less lost x

      Like

  3. I agree that university can be a little overwhelming when you are trying to juggle a lot of work while trying to have a social life and decide what you want to do with your life. There has been so many times where I worry that university has been holding me back from being happy and has felt like something I feel I have to do rather than being an advantage that I want to do, especially since I don’t know what I want to do with my degree which doesn’t help with the motivation. Life’s too short to waste doing things that make you miserable. I say follow your heart and do whatever makes you happy.

    James
    http://www.bloggerjames.co.uk/

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is SO hard! Happy to hear I’m not the only one feeling these things. Hope it all works out for you too – you are so right. Why do things that doesn’t make you happy? I really appreciate your help, thank you! x

      Like

  4. definitely feeling like this at the minute! Like I want to give up university and do something I enjoy but the pride in me doesn’t want to quit! Such a lovely post and thanks for sharing x

    han x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Happy to hear I’m not alone! Ugh that feeling is the worst! How are one supposed to know what they want to do with their life without any experience? I wish there would be a machine that could tell you exactly what career path would be perfect for you and that’d be it.

      What are you studying? 🙂

      Thanks for your comment, I really appreciate it x

      Liked by 1 person

      • Last semester, I decided to pursue Environmental Science. I enjoyed a few Environmental classes my freshman year (plus, I’ve always liked helping out the environment), so I felt like it was something that I’d enjoy. A lot of my other interests (like writing for example) doesn’t seem to require a degree, which is why I decided on Environmental Science. What are you studying?

        Like

      • Sounds cool! Never heard about that before 🙂
        I’m studying Performance Design and Communication but it doesn’t start until third semester as the first two are more like basic knowledge in humanities.. so that’s a bit annoying. Can’t wait to get started on my courses though!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I totally understand your feelings, and it’s so easy to get caught up in the ‘now’ and focus only on how it feels. But in 20 years, these few years will seem a blip in your memory. They’ll have opened doors to last you a lifetime and yet they’ll seem so easy and so ‘nothing’ when you look back. You can only do what feels right for you, but my two cents would be to find a way to get motivated and stick it out just a little bit longer. Your future self might thank you for it x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You are totally not alone. I am a third year junior in college and I feel like I have lost all my motivation for school, I’m not excited about my classes anymore and it takes all of me to get up in the morning. It’s just about finding inspiration in life’s little wonders, that’s what gets me through it

    Liked by 1 person

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